🫤 "This is what happened to me, I was let go".
😖 "This is what happened to me, my Manager put me under a lot of pressure".
😠"This is what happened to me, I was rejected".
What are the two common denominators of these three statements?
1) Language of Object-Referral:
First, the language used. The person defines herself or himself through an external object.
For example, these external objects can be situations, people, or even possessions.
A situation: "I was let go" or "I was rejected."
A person: "My Manager puts me under pressure."
2) Hidden Emotions:
Secondly, unconsciously or not, unexpressed emotions are lying underneath the objects. It seems that as humans we have learned to look outward for the reasons that cause a situation or a problem. When emotions are unexpressed, we don't own them, and as a result, it is more difficult to progress.
As an IPEC Certified Coach, I believe Energy is everywhere and is everything. Hidden and unexpressed emotions create catabolic energy for individuals and for people around them. At work, we all have experienced colleagues that got stuck for a while in a vicious circle.
Nonviolent communication is about expressing ourselves in an anabolic manner that promotes collaboration, relationships, and a balanced atmosphere around us. Communication is enhanced when we take responsibility for our feelings.
When a challenging situation occurs or when we hear a negative message, we need to keep in mind that even if others may be the stimulus (ie: I was let go by my boss), they are not the cause.
It is really up to us to choose how we react. In reality, we have three options:
Blame ourselves,
Blame others,
Be aware of our own feelings and needs.
The third option is about becoming conscious of our emotions and what we really want. For instance, an Account Executive (AE) might be frustrated when their Manager tells them their Salesforce hygiene is the worst they have ever seen. (I am using this extreme example here to make a point as it would be harsh to say "the worst they've ever seen"). In this context, a conscious AE would recognise that they feel hurt because of a need for recognition. By focusing our attention on our own feelings and needs, we become aware that the feeling of hurt comes from the need to be recognised.
Language of Self-Referral: This Is How I feel...
When we focus inward, we become more self-aware and less self-judgmental. We look at ourselves and accept how we really feel inside. Thus, we choose to acknowledge the emotions which then quickly become more bearable.
🫤 "This is what happened to me, I was let go".
-> Better statement: I feel miserable.
😖 "This is what happened to me, my Manager put me under a lot of pressure".
-> Better statement: I feel anxious.
😠"This is what happened to me, I was rejected".
-> Better statement: I feel ashamed and embarrassed.
Expressing ourselves using this language puts the control back in our hands. What can you do if you're feeling miserable, anxious, ashamed, or embarrassed? You can speak to your Manager to understand their perspective and expectation. It will help you make things work. If you were let go, you can focus on building yourself back up mentally and physically before you start searching for your next job.
Liliane
Comentários